This morning’s morning pages (Artist’s Way).
Death beckoned at my door with his arms wide open, a slight smile on his face. I stood. What else was there to do with his presence so full, right there in my space?
It’s not your life I’m here for, he said. Are you ready to leave this chapter behind, this phase, to move on to a new one? Can you let all your ideas and fears holding you back go? May they come with me so that you will be free to move forward unencumbered by the weights that have been holding you back? It’s time.
I blinked and stared and felt nothing. I was waiting to get a hit of guided feeling from my body, but nothing came. Just stillness, me and Death. And this is how it was for a few minutes. I could hear the wind in the trees and the birds carrying on their singing as though nothing were different. But it was. I just wasn’t sure how.
I still hadn’t spoken.
Was Death asking my permission or was he just going to take what was rightfully time to be taken? I didn’t really know how it works. How could I? It’s all part of the learning and journeying. After a few more minutes of him peacefully standing there, he just gave me a small nod and walked off down the path, fading as he did.
Feeling kicked in…wait…I hadn’t given him an answer. Had I missed my chance? I sat down in my doorway and held my head in my hands. Tears came, but they weren’t of sadness. There was something else… It was a deep relief and release flowing from the inside of my belly. With each tear I felt lighter and knew something had changed. What is was just yet I couldn’t tell, but there was shift and it felt good. I felt anticipation.