So What Next?

Background to ‘what next?’

I’m tapping on my drive home from Friday’s volunteering at our local Natural Health Centre. You see my counsellor has given me the challenge of tapping for an hour a day (in chunks), on anything, and everything to see what shifts happen. Slightly daunting at first, but I’m getting into it.

So, I tap when I talk on the phone, I tap when I talk to those who know that I’m a big tapping fan and won’t think I’ve gone mad, I tap when I drive and I tap when I’m pondering what to do next or procrastinating. I also tap when I’m with a client or friend who would like tapping support, and if I haven’t built up enough time I watch EFT YouTube videos.

It’s been two weeks now and I haven’t done an hour every single day. However, I have done an hour some days, over half an hour on others, only ten on others, but the great thing is that I’ve tapped EVERY DAY. I just need to do it for another two weeks, and according to research, it will be a newly formed habit 🙂

Anyway, today’s insights

I’m staring down the barrel of potentially going to Australia next week to visit a surgeon who has trained, and now trains others, in the VAAFT method. That stands for Visually Assisted Anal Fistula Treatment. For the last four years I have google searched various cures for anal fistulas, but it was only in the last 4 months that I stumbled across this technique – designed in Italy and now used around the world, especially in India.

The reason I didn’t immediately jump on the plane, was because I was waiting for my tummy to return to normal (which it has now). And yes there is also fear holding me back. Fear of failure. Plus, when tapping with my counsellor, we found a few small tendrils of fear…of change…and of the unknown that were useful to address.

So, what next?

so-what-next-change-afootAs I tapped, driving home through the mist, I began thinking about the trip and who I would tell that I was going. Who did I feel safe sharing this with, and what was bothering me about letting others know. I heard some responses like, ‘Wow, so what next?‘ or ‘Wow, so now you can get on with your life!‘ Whether these responses would come to pass or not is irrelevant, but I realised they brought up some annoyance in me. The annoyance that people/’the world’ may presume my life has been on hold, or that I haven’t been living my life in the way I would like.

And to be fair, the annoyance probably comes from the fact that for the first 3 and a half years of this experience with a fistula, my life was often on hold. I wasn’t living my life in the way I dreamed of. I spent a lot of time waiting for this to be over so that I could get on with it…often postponing my happiness. However, the wonderful thing that I realised was that I am now at a place where my life will not drastically change when my fistula is healed! Just in the last 6 to 9 months I’ve stopped putting my life ‘on hold’. I’ve accepted my situation (mostly) and gotten on with the things that are important to me. In the last two months I have even been planning a trip to America next year, something I would never have dreamt about not long ago because of the massive flying/sitting time.

Sure, I’ll have a comfortable bum, I’ll be able to sit normally and not have to sit with my legs underneath me, and I won’t have to hassle with some daily things, details I shall spare you from. And yes, I will be able to travel…in an aeroplane…comfortably…for more than 3 hours! So in that sense things will be very different.

So what next? Will simply be an excited anticipation of what next I am dreaming of on my life path. No longer will it be the insinuation that my life is on hold as it is right now.

But this realisation really heartened me. I realised I am ready for this shift. I am ready to take the leap of faith to at least give this a go. And there is a chance that it may not heal the fistula first time around, but I’m willing to at least try now!

So what next?

I’m opening myself up to the possibilities of change and shift and new chapters…

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