We keep searching outside of ourselves for this word. Freedom. This feeling we get a taste of and then chase, like it’s a hunt in the wilds of the world.
What if it’s a hunt in the wilds of ourselves?
We go looking in places like relationship – if I leave my husband, or if I leave my wife – then I will feel free again. In the spaces with our children – when the kids go to school, or when the teens finally leave home – then I’ll have my freedom back, then things will be different. Around the corners of our bodies, in the weight of our thighs or the pain in different parts – when I reach this weight, or when I don’t have this pain anymore – then I’ll finally be free.
We keep seeking, souls driven to fixing and trying, ducking and diving, running and drinking, all in this endless search for freedom.
What if freedom is an inside job?
What if the very thing you’re tirelessly chasing is actually inside of you? Under the thoughts of not-good-enough, not perfect, not worthy. Under the words of failure, stupid, have to do better, never good enough. Hiding between the layers of anxiety, fear and busy-ness that wrap around the moments in your day.
Where do you go to find the freedom when it’s hiding inside you all along?
Right there in front of you, a solution closer to home, but doesn’t feel as exhilarating as hunting outside yourself. What do you have to show for that? A growing sense of contentment? Who wants that rather than things and change and stories and endless travel? Doesn’t that state freedom more than your mind slowing down and becoming more present?
The voices in your head might become kinder, gentler, but so what – isn’t freedom in the running away, the chasing, the being free of everything?
What if Freedom’s just another word for nothin’ left to lose as Janis Joplin once sang. What if it’s the ticket, the golden ticket to a peaceful time with yourself? No matter where you are, or who you’re with. Something you carry inside yourself like a golden key, that no circumstance can rob you of.
What if that’s a different version of freedom we don’t visit as often?