Today, just hold me.
Gently take my head and rest it on your soft warm chest. Let me hear your heart beat and know that I’m home. Let me breathe in the smells of that comfort. I don’t know what to do next. I don’t know what to think. So please just tell me I’m OK. Tell me it’s all going to get there in the end. That I’m going to heal. That this too shall pass.
Can you remind me to just flow with this despair like a wave? Knowing it will roll in, surging, pounding and moving everything in its way. It will feel relentless, but it’s not forever. Soon enough it will pull back out, sucking and leaving the shore clear and refreshed. Please tell me that I can do this. Remind me of my mantra in these times: You can do this. You’ve done it before and you’ll do it again.
Today there’s an emptiness inside me. Is it empty or just too full? Sometimes I find it hard to tell. I flow with the feelings, like that wave, but then suddenly there are patches of numbness. That’s when I want to stare into space for a very long time, pretending I’m somewhere else. Pretending I can go on holiday from it all, even if just for a day. Please hold me. Can you cradle my whole body and tell me that you’re there for me? That you will always guide me in the right direction, even if it doesn’t feel so at the time.
Remind me again that somehow I am whole and perfect in this moment even though I feel so far away from that right now.
Let me know that you are with me. Whisper my name quietly in my ear and tell me you love me. That you’ll always love me. And that you’ve always loved me. I know you’ll never leave me, but today. Today I need reassurance.